


Caveat Emptor

by kageillusionz



Category: X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Corgis, Corgis turning into Humans, Corgles, Corgneto, Crack, Hank despairs, Humour, Logan should not be allowed near the internet, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-18
Updated: 2013-11-18
Packaged: 2018-01-01 23:13:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1049711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kageillusionz/pseuds/kageillusionz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Caveat emptor, Latin for 'Let the buyer beware'.</p><p>The one where Hank forbids Logan to ever buy dog food — or anything really — from the internet ever again, especially not after Corgles and Corgneto end up transforming into corgi-men.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Caveat Emptor

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to my enablers: **Souffle** and **Roz**.
> 
> Written for a derptastic Fassy face, which you can find embedded later in the fic, or you can look at [here](http://kageillusionz.tumblr.com/post/67349242696/velvetcadence-herbandorganics-i-havent-even).

Hank McCoy likes to think his life is normal. He holds a steady job, has managed to secure a very loving boyfriend who likes him just the way he is — and yes, they do enjoy watching Bridget Jones' Diary — and he has the world's best corgis to keep their life interesting and entertained. Even if one of his dogs is psychotic (Logan's words, not his) but completely smitten with his other much more friendly and lovable corgi.

He enjoys the routine of going to work to do the thing he loves and coming home to the people and animals he loves; he is very content with his lot in life. 

Logan is... an extraordinary individual with the biggest heart. Hank likes to think of Logan as a bit of a toasted marshmallow: gruff and crispy exterior; sweet, gooey and delicious on the inside.

When Logan isn't drifting about being a jack-of-all-trades — owning a food truck and selling to the poor being job of the week — doing what Logan does, Hank would often find Logan hunched in front of his laptop, sometimes with Corgles, and by extension Corgneto, at his side.

The internet combined with Logan is a very volatile mix and the only way to save the internet community from the terror that is Logan is to distract him with either a) beer, b) food, or c) Hank, not in any particular order, mind you. A way of ensuring that Logan stays off the internet long enough is some combination of all three, because Logan would spend his time on the internet, invariably either a) trolling or b) buying something, and on the off occasion, c) both. 

At precisely 5:45 every day, Hank saves all of the progress he has made during the day and leaves work.

When Hank returns home, he does one of three things: firstly, he hangs up his coat and places his keys by the door. Corgles and Corgneto would have heard him coming and would demand pets and kisses before racing back to whatever important corgi business is apaw; secondly, he troops into the study to place his bag down. After a day of staring at journals and print-outs of results, it is required that a cuddle and a kiss (or three) occurs before he looks at anything made out of paper; and lastly, he would go in search for Logan to seek said aforementioned cuddle and kiss.

He finds Logan in the living room, an empty package opened on the coffee table that sat next to Logan's laptop.

Logan is sitting on the couch waiting for Hank, an act which is not out of the ordinary. Logan sitting on the couch with the corgis is also not out of the ordinary. However, Logan sitting with two naked men is.

Hank stares slack-jawed at the scene in front of him, heart palpitating in his chest as his throat flutters with the threat of a scream possessive anger. 

Hank is able to think this out like a normal person. There must be a very logical explanation to everything. Hank is not jealous at all.

It is a difficult feat to keep the icy malice out of his voice though as Hank says, "Logan. Who are these gentleman?" Hank's glare can melt glass (which probably isn't saying much given that the melting point of glass is around 600 degrees Celsius or some 1,100 degrees Fahrenheit, and that is all dependent on the composition of the glass and the type of silicates utilized — Hank bats away the thought, he has difficulties turning the science off sometimes).

He finds himself renewing his acquaintance with their fluffy rug when one of naked men launches himself off the couch and at Hank. Soft tongue meets his cheek and Hank is stunned at the lickings he is receiving.

"Don't freak out—"

"Logan!"

"Er, these two are Corgles and Corgneto—"

Hank's eyebrows knits together, a half formed 'What' shaping his mouth into a half-open state.

"— and apparently the stuff I bought online has the ability to change the dogs into humans."

A flurry of questions comes to the fore of Hank's mind. What has Logan been feeding the dogs? Why were they stupid enough to ingest it? Was this a permanent state of affairs? (And how fascinating that there was something in the world with such capabilities... imagine the possibilities!)

"So," Hank says after a moment, playing it cool, "you weren't having a threesome with hired prostitutes then."

Logan shot him a glare. That's a no then.

"And this—" Hank sends a vague gesture down the naked back of the man that was vibrating with happiness over him "—this is?"

"Corgles."

"Ah."

That meant the short haired man with the biggest derp face, rubbing his cheek over the back of Logan's head with his arms wrapped around Logan, was Corgneto. The expression, a bit of half-lidded glee mixed with oblivion, is oddly at ends with the standoffish Corgneto that Hank has come to love. Perhaps whatever Logan gave them had some sort of catnip effect but for corgis that makes them overly affectionate. Corginip. Who would have thought?

Hank sighs and fixes his glasses from where Corgles had knocked them askew.

Pushing away at Corgles’ cheek gently, to divert the affectionate licking at his earlobe, Hank says, "Let's put some clothes on you, Corgles, and leave Corgneto and Logan to their bonding time."

But while he has two corgi-men in his house, Hank begins to plot some small experiments he would like answers to. This has to be an unprecedented scientific occurrence and at the thought of a new project, Hank could barely contain his own glee.

* * *

Hank wakes up to find that he’s being spooned from all sides: Logan curved around his back with his arm thrown around his middle, Corgles’ head pressed up under Hank’s chin, limbs all askew, and Corgneto somehow wedged in between Corgles and himself, using Corgles as a pillow and acting as some sort of barrier corgi-man barrier. 

Hank is ever so glad it is the weekend and resumes sleeping right up until Logan wakes him up and they adjourn to the bathroom together, locking the door behind them.

* * *

Logan is forbidden to return to work until the corgimen catastrophe is sorted, least Corgles and Corgneto get up to something and neither of them were at hand.

Day One and Two consists of teaching the corgis Being Human 101. Thankfully, after years of Logan subjecting his corgis into wearing costumes, the corgi-men are not too confused when Hank clothes them into flannel sleeping pants and a shirt. Although, it takes a few demonstrative lessons into proper toilet etiquette, after Corgneto attempts to mark his territory outside and Hank has to usher a confused Corgneto inside when their neighbour Wade Wilson leers from over the fence.

By the time, Hank has to return to work, Corgneto and Corgles have moved into the guest bedroom. Hank doesn’t possess enough brain bleach (Logan helpfully chirps that it is possible to buy that online, much to Hank’s chagrin) to erase just how fascinating Corgneto and Corgles finds the thing dangling in between their legs, especially when they start figuring other things out on their own. Hank does not wish to be present when they start rutting, thank you. 

Logan, however, tells Hank a play-by-play of everything that transpired upon their sheets, half of which Hank doubts actually occurs. Surely Corgles isn’t that flexible? And yes, Hank had seen the size of Corgneto’s equipment when he had put pants on him, but surely Logan ought to forbid him from looking? 

His boyfriend is such a shit for talking very dirty just to watch him squirm and flush red as a tomato.

Days Three through Eight are spent teaching them how to speak, how to not fuck every other minute, how to work the television, and then preparing them to go visit a park when Hank stops worrying about everything that could go wrong.

There, Corgneto indulges in his favourite pasttime of chasing birds upon the grass proclaiming ‘Corgles, look at me Corgles!’, an act that is socially more acceptable as a dog barking and prancing on stumpies, rather than a full grown man with legs that go on for days. 

Corgles, for his part, is an angel and a very quick study; he spends his time reading in the shade to practise the alphabet that Hank taught him and watching Corgneto run around chasing squirrels, until Corgneto ends up tired and falls asleep with his head on Corgles’ lap. Absentmindedly, Corgles cards his fingers through Corgneto’s hair with a pleased smile on his face and he shoos Hank and Logan away with a hand gesture.

Hank and Logan sneak away to take their own walk around the park, fingers intertwined loosely, knowing that those two would still be there when they returned from their grocery trip. When they return, Corgneto is awake from his afternoon nap and his corgis help carry their share back to the house.

By Day Twelve, Hank and Logan feel that the corgimen could be left to their own devices and Logan goes back to work at his food truck.

Hank takes to announcing his arrival home, just in case he walks in accidentally again on Corgles and Corgneto having a very enthusiastic time against the wall of the stair landing.

* * *

It takes the corginip a fortnight to wear off. It highly distress Corgles to not possess opposable thumbs anymore to hold his books open, but Corgneto is always by Corgles’ side to keep his mind off things and distract him. Their guest bedroom gets transformed into the corgi’s room.

Hank is torn in between asking Logan to order more corginip and letting things be. He has second thoughts when he returns home from work one day to find Corgneto and Corgles rutting in the foyer. This is why Hank’s very few friends have likely stopped visiting.


End file.
